Why is it so hard to ask for help? I don't mean to sound like a self-pity party, here, but I've been stuck in pretty difficult conditions these past 6 days.
Here's the scoop:
1. Marc is working his 6th day in a row of a 7-day work shift.
2. We leave for PA/DC on Thursday until the following Friday.
3. Tagged to #2, we close on our new house and move on the Wednesday after getting back and Marc will go back to work until the day of closing. I've been packing up our house while Ben takes his naps.
4. Ben's been taking 30-minute naps.
5. Ben's sick with one of those change-in-weather colds and can't sleep at night, because he's coughing, poor thing!
6. As a result of Ben coughing, he wakes himself up and stays up at 4:30am and I'm the lucky one to get up every time since Marc has to work with people and be alert as possible. This has been 3 mornings in a row.
7. Oh, and our neighbors upstairs decided to place their kiddy pool right outside our windows, so Ben can hear and see the kids playing while he's suppose to go down for a nap. I kindly asked if they could move it (before they even filled it) since Ben will be sleeping and the reply was, "I put it here so it could be in the shade." Ummm... sunscreen and a hat??? I'm not getting into it.
A couple days ago, I was in tears on the phone with my mom, because I'm so overly tired, stressed and upset with my supposedly-really-compassionate-and-thoughtful neighbors. She said she would drop what she was doing to come down and help, but I told her to stay home. WHY DID I DO THAT?!?!??!?! Is it admitting self-defeat? Do I not want to inconvenience someone else for my needs?
I start rationalizing, "ah, it's not THAT bad" and then I'm still miserable. No one is benefitting from this.
Now that it's a few days later, Ben is getting better slowly, we're getting a little more sleep, and my mom is coming tomorrow for the day.
Does anyone else have this hard of a time asking for help?
- Claire
- This is a place to record and remember my days home as a mama and trying to balance everything else in between.
6 comments:
oh, claire, that's some real life work you're doing. and ben and marc are both benefiting from it. but no one will benefit if you can't stay sane! i try to remember how good it feels when someone asks me for help and i can actually do something about it. it does feel good to be the one who can help. so, just try to think of your asking for help giving someone an opportunity for that boost!
i think you should ask for someone to take ben somewhere for several hours while you get work done on packing. productivity does a lot for the soul!
oh, and i think you should buy yourself that new coffeepot!
Kate, I just went to Caribou Coffee and got an iced latte... after Ben woke up from his 20(TWENTY!!!)-minute nap, which was while I was writing this post.
The thing is, I don't have anyone here that can take Ben for several hours, especially during the week. Everyone I know has small children and have their hands full as well or are flat-out busy.
I'm getting through it. It's just a rough patch that hardly ever hits this hard... but I will be asking for help when I can in the future. And you're right, my mom LOVES to help, especially when it comes to her grandchildren.
um, YES!!!!
and whether you get help or not, you have released some of the stress already by putting it out there.
worst case scenario, you have to buy more clothes since you didn't have time to pack (not really, but on the other hand there are always options).
the worst part for me is when i don't feel like i can accomplish anything (not housework, not parenting, not self-care)...so my hope for you is that some things really do fall to the backburner in your mind so you can have that freedom.
so, i say get yourself those fancy drinks and know that the cruel mercy of life is that TIME WILL PASS...no matter what else happens, time will pass.
off to my own, kristin
p.s. move to kansas
Claire, I totally understand your hesitation to ask for help. Frankly, I think it's a Mennonite thing. Even with family close by, even with neighbors and friends who offer, even when pulling my hair out in frustration, I suck it up and go on. I hear ya, chickie.
But Katie is right - no one benefits if you're not sane. Take a deep breath. Find a baby sitter. You live where there is a wonderful university and I bet you can find a wonderful babysitter that Ben would LOVE.
Hang in there. It will get better. It always does. And remember this: You are not alone.
Oh and I also agree with Katie - treat yourself to something nice. You deserve a reward.
I just wanted to say that I completely understand. My love to you and your family.
I agree, move to Kansas.
Or, hire some youth from your church for 3 hours a day to be there playing with Ben while you pack. They will probably LOVE IT and you will get a lot done!
Now that I have a 10 year old, I am finally over asking for help.....just do it!
These moments are sooooo stressful. Do you take fish oil? Also helps!
Wish I could be there!
Jen CD
Post a Comment